Liz

Liz is my supervisor at my Internship. She's probably one of the sweetest and most patient people I have ever encountered, especially in a work place. This week all the photo interns have to take pictures of the entire CHM staff for a packet, so this morning I got to go outside and shoot Liz!

The Last Sin Eater

"I didn't realize I was entering a battle - one I could win only by trusting the Lord. And trust, for me, ain't easy to do. It's a learned thing, comin' one step at a time. I knew nothin' of the world and who'd been let loose upon it. but I had been so desperate for help, filled with sorrow, drowning in guilt. I never once figured on God using me the way he did."

-The Last Sin Eater, Francine Rivers

Good Things

Good things today have been such as these:

Sneezing.
Blue Raspberry Airheads.
Sticky notes with cartoons on them that my co-workers leave for me on my computer screen.
Group emails.

As lonely as you want it to be.

I haven't written in a long time. Mainly because I have felt like I have nothing to say, or nothing to offer.

Summer has been rough. The first month in Charleston was really hard, really lonely and not a good place for me to be in coming out of a weird semester. I've been seeking prayer and help from a few close friends, and some of you know more in depth the things that have gone on and what things have been so discouraging over the past 4 months. So thank you for loving well, and being the beautiful family I need.

This summer I have been very uncontent. I've never wanted a summer to go by faster, wanted to go home and be with my friends and family and go wild in Greenville. I miss Radius, I miss my family there, I hate sitting at a desk all day, the list could go on forever... God seemed terribly distant 95% of the time.

I was talking to a good/new friend this past week about this summer and how I have not allowed God to be enough, and that maybe this dry lonely time will be good for me to learn that God is wholly enough for me, and learn to love him and keep company with him as foolish as that might sound. Since so many things seemed to crash and burn all at once, God seemed distant and innactive so I had been seeking so many other things to fill my time and my heart. The next morning I was reading in my car before I stepped into work, and read Psalm 34:10.

"The young lions suffer want and hunger, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing."

As most things go when the Lord really brings his love to my attention, its small realizations over a period of a few days. I got really excited about it, it sounded good, I medidated on it throughout the day at my desk, and thought about it up until tonight. Tonight I was writing a letter to a new friend (lots of new people these days..) and was telling them about the verse and that it had been good to ponder on. And then as I was writing it all just slammed on my chest.

The first time I read this verse and the first 24 hours I thought about it I didn't even sort of relate it to my current situation in Charleston. It was basically a cool verse that I couldn't stop thinking about. But as I wrote I realized what a great thing I had just read. I can be here, in Charleston totally alone with nothing (not the case, btw.) but I can be absolutely wild about the fact that God is enough. Not even just this summer but with my entire life, I'm about to graduate college! It's cool, but in some weird way it just doesnt matter because God is going to be enough. Enough in all ways! He will love me, he will care for me, he will keep me company, he will give me gifts, he will talk to me, he will cry with me, he will provide other people to do all those things with me also, and then we all just go buck wild for eternity.

It's soo sooo good and refreshing and child-like and beautiful and wonderful and joyous that my God will teach me such simple things and how good I can be at ignoring him but he just keeps them on my mind and gently brings me back to the thought and he is so patient with me until I understand and then he rejoices so much when I grasp his concept! Unbelievablly fulfilling.


Thank you Daddy, for giving me breath and fingers. Yes..fingers.

Tornado Project

Objective was to create a painting that symbolicly represented a time in your life that was chaotic, somewhat of a "tornado".

For me, this was about my anxiety disorder prior to being on medication. Basically an 8 month period of severe agoraphobia and emotional chaos. It took place from May of 2009 until December of 2009.

Essentially each form represents a certain idea or feeling that was present and how I have continued to with this disorder.

The bottom lines represented the urge to control all things and situations in order to feel comfortable, which is why they are so straight and planned out. The harsh edges contribute to the idea of trying to reach out and being continously stabbed back.

Test: All inserts from my journal that I wrote in during this time. Going from positive to progressivly more negative inserts towards the bottom.

White top drip: The idea that in heaven all things will be pure and there will be no more pain or suffering or tragedy. It represents the hope that I have in Jesus renewing my mind and body when he comes to take me home. The white paint is dripping all the way through to painting to represent the frequent times that I felt like God had left me to suffer, when in reality he was always there with me in all situations, penetrating the walls of my heart to continuosly seek him.

Luke

11:13 "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

12:4 "I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do."

12:11 "And when they bring you before the synagogues and the rulers and the authorities, do not be anxious about how you should defend yourself or what you should say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say."

12:24 "Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."

Frustrations

Coming into this semester I found myself getting frustrated a lot with...everything. It seemed like nothing was working and everything seemed way more difficult than it should be. But I'm finally starting to realize that that's okay. That most likely things aren't going to work really easily, you have to work at it. Discipleship is HARD. More often than not I wonder what on earth I'm doing and if this is even tangible. Community is HARD. Fellowship is beautiful and life giving but it's not easy to love other people who are just as human and sinful as you are. I've been working on keeping a more positive outlook on things, continuing to pursue them despite the mess ups and hardships. I guess Paul wouldn't have told Timothy to "keep fighting the good fight" if he didn't intend for it to be difficult and Timothy to actually have to FIGHT for the Kingdom of God.