Redeemer

8 months ago I was sitting in a room full of people I barely knew, pouring my heart (and tears) all over the floor.

8 months ago I realized how one thing (or lack of) had effected my life and my view of God.

Until 8 months ago I had managed to suppress it somewhere deep down in my soul for 20 years.

4 days ago I was sitting in a room with a few people I knew and a few people I was getting to know better.

4 days ago I expected to be pouring my heart and tears on the floor because of sadness, and explaining what I thought I still lacked.

4 days ago my heart and tears were indeed all over my living room floor.

Not because of what I lacked, but because of what I have been so graciously given. I couldn't stop crying because the mere thought of how deeply and truly I love and appreciate all the men God has placed in my life in the past 8 months. They have truly been vessels of his Fatherly love, showing me my worth, and that I am a daughter of the Most High. He has made himself known through you.

I am slowly learning that even though I often feel "not enough" and "too much" all at the same time, my desires and my longings reflect the heart of God. I desire to be loved, payed attention to, thought to be beautiful and thought to be important. Can you imagine how much more God desires those things from us? And how often we ignore it.

Abba

my sweet girl,

ive given you as a gift to everyone around you. my purpose for you is to glorify me. stop worrying so much about doing everything right. ive got it under control. i promise. i know your desires, your deep longing to be adored and precious to someone. i created your inmost being, i know all of your ways. i made every bump and freckly on that sweet face of yours. i promise im not going anywhere. im eagerly waiting for you to come running and leaping into my arms. i desire to be your father, to love you and take care of you. i want to provide for you and offer you all of my love and riches. i want to shower you with kisses and laughter. i want to pick you up, spin you around and tell you how proud i am of everything you have done! please let me do that. dont be afraid to let me into your heart. i will not abandon you or grow cold. i am your father, and i am not going anywhere.

Desperate Pursuit

"To eat, sleep, drink and breathe Jesus means that I am learning to give priority to the pursuit. It does not mean that I am superspiritual or anywhere close to arriving. It just means that I am dragging myself into His presence and staying there. It means that I am choosing not to run away from God even in the shame of my sin I am crying into His shoulder instead of numbing the pain of my life. I have stopped looking everywhere else to be filled and realize that He is the only One who is able."

-Angela Thomas

Christmas happenings

Christmas and stuff:

Made white chocolate peppermint bark

Things get a little out of hand when I'm in charge of putting bows on the presents:

Made stuffed Zucchini..SO good.

MY SISTER GOT ENGAGED!!!

Tis the season..

Last Sunday at the Gathering we talked a little bit about acknowledging places that God may want you to be involved in, and becoming active in them. I am slowly acknowledging more and more that God wants me more involved in my family. After 3 straight days (seriously) of Christmas shopping with my mom, I was really excited to get in the kitchen and cook and just be alone....

Low and behold my extremely messy father walks in. What starts out as "oh gosh now I have to clean up his mess too" turned into him giving me a cooking lesson (apparently I suck at chopping things) and humming hymnals alongside me.

WHAATT?!!!

If you know me and my dad at all this does.not.happen....ever.

Thank you SO much Abba for bringing that situation to the kitchen!

Isaiah 58:11 & 40:11

Let me infuse my peace into your innermost being. As you sit quietly in the Light of My presence, you can sense Peace growing within you. This is not something that you accomplish through self-discipline and willpower; it is opening yourself to receive My blessing.

In this age of independence, people find it hard to acknowledge their neediness. However, I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for Me: placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident. Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer and closer to Myself. You have discovered flowers of Peace blossoming in the most desolate places. You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work. You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts.

The Priesthood

I really love taking a second to sit and see where God has brought me in the flow of His love the past year. I have never been through so much heartbreak and experienced so much love all in one year. I feel like my walk with God has been extremely transformed from thinking I knew everything about cultural religion to realizing that I know absolutely nothing and thats actually the best place to be.

A year ago I was a basket case, completely emotional and had no idea what I was going to do with my life and why God seemed to be ignoring me (which he wasn't). I was completely unwilling to be broken down anymore, especially on the one thing I thought I knew all about.

Through the next 8 months all I did was get broken down, down down down. Its funny how painful it is to let go of what you think you've got under control when it was never yours to begin with.

Sometimes I really wish I could convey to you what God has done for me, not what I have taught myself or "life lessons" or self-help books, but what my Father has taught his Daughter because he loves her, and longs to be gracious to her (Is 30:18). My God LONGS to do good to me, and continually keeps my best interest in mind (Jer 29:11).

I have gone from feeling so lonely and lost to now understanding this: because God loves me He brought me out of the depths of despair, He equips me with every good thing I need to be a part of the royal priesthood, that has the honor in working alongside Christ in his priestly work.

I encourage you, brother and sisters in Christ, that YOU are a part of this priesthood! You have been given the honor of working alongside Christ! And that every time you completely screw everything up (because you will) God has given you endless amounts of mercy and is SO patient with you! So take His hand and start running!!!!