Luke

11:13 "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

12:4 "I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do."

12:11 "And when they bring you before the synagogues and the rulers and the authorities, do not be anxious about how you should defend yourself or what you should say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say."

12:24 "Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."

Frustrations

Coming into this semester I found myself getting frustrated a lot with...everything. It seemed like nothing was working and everything seemed way more difficult than it should be. But I'm finally starting to realize that that's okay. That most likely things aren't going to work really easily, you have to work at it. Discipleship is HARD. More often than not I wonder what on earth I'm doing and if this is even tangible. Community is HARD. Fellowship is beautiful and life giving but it's not easy to love other people who are just as human and sinful as you are. I've been working on keeping a more positive outlook on things, continuing to pursue them despite the mess ups and hardships. I guess Paul wouldn't have told Timothy to "keep fighting the good fight" if he didn't intend for it to be difficult and Timothy to actually have to FIGHT for the Kingdom of God.

Wearing The Yoke

Monday night I walked up to my back door only to find an incredibly creepy looking note in TINY handwriting taped up to the door. After getting really close to it we (Haley and I) realized it was just a note from good old Eric.

The past few weeks have been really stressful for me. Balancing school, work at the coffee shop, finding an internship for the summer, and trying to be a good bridesmaid/maid of honor. The weight of the world felt like it was ontop of my shoulders (literally, I had a headache for 5 days straight!)

Eric's super creep note was useful, because he decided to keep me accountable for resting at least one hour of my day on Tuesday. So after napping and going to walmart and almost collapsing from anxiety I finally had time to just sit down (on the floor, by my bed, in front of the heater..naturally.) I spent a little while just talking, then decided to go back to a verse in Matthew that was really monumental for me this summer, you can read that here.

Matthew 28:11

"Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

So I'm sitting and the floor and stuff.

I start to imagine all this happening in real life, what it would look like, feel like, where I would be...etc.

So Jesus says "come to me" and I'm like hmm..he's ASKING me to COME to HIM. Asking me, like if I were to be like "hey Haley, bring me some toilet paper we ran out" (except she never actually came and it was an unfortunate situation.) This is neat because the king of the universe is asking me to come to him, imagine thatttt.

So here's the King of the Universe gently asking me to come to him.

I walk over slumping, covered in dirt from a hard days work in the field (work with me here...I'm thinking 1st century Jewish work.)

Then.. He puts his hand on my shoulder, gazing into my eyes and I immediately relax. I begin to stand upright again, and as a smile begins to form, my entire face lights up.

Together we go out into the field, I pick up the yoke and put it around my shoulders (that happen to be cramping and aching in real life). But then I stop, because I don't imagine Jesus sitting up on some high thrown and me dragging him around like I'm some poor slave. No, I picture looking over to my right and him being right next to me, a yoke on his back as well.

We exchange smiles as we walk through the field together preparing for the harvest. He is walking directly beside me, smiling the whole way, teaching me how to plow correctly because he clearly knows it so well.

This was my mental image over a period of 15ish minutes.

This is not the only part that was great to me.

The rest connected in my head like a bomb over a 2 hour period:

I started thinking that I get to work with Jesus. We are working together. Both of us. Side by side. Getting to join Christ in his priestly work. BOOM. (1 Peter) (2 Corinthians 5:18-21) Also wrote about that here.

What exactly are we working for? The harvest. BAM. (John 4:35, Matthew 9:35-38, Matthew 213:24-30) Get it?

Man. That was just great.

Redeemer

8 months ago I was sitting in a room full of people I barely knew, pouring my heart (and tears) all over the floor.

8 months ago I realized how one thing (or lack of) had effected my life and my view of God.

Until 8 months ago I had managed to suppress it somewhere deep down in my soul for 20 years.

4 days ago I was sitting in a room with a few people I knew and a few people I was getting to know better.

4 days ago I expected to be pouring my heart and tears on the floor because of sadness, and explaining what I thought I still lacked.

4 days ago my heart and tears were indeed all over my living room floor.

Not because of what I lacked, but because of what I have been so graciously given. I couldn't stop crying because the mere thought of how deeply and truly I love and appreciate all the men God has placed in my life in the past 8 months. They have truly been vessels of his Fatherly love, showing me my worth, and that I am a daughter of the Most High. He has made himself known through you.

I am slowly learning that even though I often feel "not enough" and "too much" all at the same time, my desires and my longings reflect the heart of God. I desire to be loved, payed attention to, thought to be beautiful and thought to be important. Can you imagine how much more God desires those things from us? And how often we ignore it.

Abba

my sweet girl,

ive given you as a gift to everyone around you. my purpose for you is to glorify me. stop worrying so much about doing everything right. ive got it under control. i promise. i know your desires, your deep longing to be adored and precious to someone. i created your inmost being, i know all of your ways. i made every bump and freckly on that sweet face of yours. i promise im not going anywhere. im eagerly waiting for you to come running and leaping into my arms. i desire to be your father, to love you and take care of you. i want to provide for you and offer you all of my love and riches. i want to shower you with kisses and laughter. i want to pick you up, spin you around and tell you how proud i am of everything you have done! please let me do that. dont be afraid to let me into your heart. i will not abandon you or grow cold. i am your father, and i am not going anywhere.

Desperate Pursuit

"To eat, sleep, drink and breathe Jesus means that I am learning to give priority to the pursuit. It does not mean that I am superspiritual or anywhere close to arriving. It just means that I am dragging myself into His presence and staying there. It means that I am choosing not to run away from God even in the shame of my sin I am crying into His shoulder instead of numbing the pain of my life. I have stopped looking everywhere else to be filled and realize that He is the only One who is able."

-Angela Thomas

Christmas happenings

Christmas and stuff:

Made white chocolate peppermint bark

Things get a little out of hand when I'm in charge of putting bows on the presents:

Made stuffed Zucchini..SO good.

MY SISTER GOT ENGAGED!!!