A few weekends ago while hiking with some beautiful friends, I expressed to them that some mornings the idea of loving God seems so unattainable that I don't want to get out of bed. Being consistently overwhelmed by feeling like I'm not enough and too much all at the same time, having desires and not knowing what to do with them, or feeling completely inadequate. All of these things are daily struggles for me. But as I was at the point of panic, and my soul was slowly turning to shambles, one image came to mind. Two of my great friends got married this past summer, some of you now know them as Tyler and Bree Graham. I had never been a bridesmaid, and only knew what happened in weddings because of what I saw in movies. But this was so much better than any romance movie. Right before we walked down to take our places and enter the sanctuary, the bridesmaids and good friends circled around Bree and prayed over her and her future with Tyler, and blessed God for the things he had done and was yet to do. This image of a beautiful bride in her white gown, weeping and thanking her Savior, made the often untangible idea of Grace lay right in my hands and my heart.
Why is Grace so hard to accept? Why can I not believe that I must do nothing and be nothing in order for my Father to love me? Grace.
For someone with multiple planners, calenders, and checklists and the inability to sit still longer than 1 hour, I have found that one of the hardest things I've come across in my years of being a Child is to sit down and not do anything. I mean literally NOTHING but believe that Jesus's death has covered me and I now wear I beautiful gown. I am without blemish, and there's nothing I can do about it. But man, is it good.
